first cut is the deepest. :p

i finally found the urge to write about saturday, the 31st of january.

it was quite a long day for me, thought of blogging it on sunday, but sunday took all my energy away. the cold and the snow and the headaches swept them off me, clean.

since i have no lectures today (thank you Allah for the snow :), ill just do it now.

got up pretty early on saturday. awoken by the gtalk call from kl(ie. kak long). spoke to her, ibu and encik. good news for me, mom and dad are coming!!!!! in april!!! for slightly over a week. yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! :):):) really cant wait for that.

about a week ago i kind of asked mom to ask dad about mercer zainal, which is the actuarial firm id like to work for in kl. just wanted to know if he knew anything about it, and what he thought of the idea of me applying and getting a job there. so i guess,, that was a clear signal i accidentally sent to dad about me wanting to go back to kl, for good, upon completion of my MSc. that brought him to taking the decency to speak to me about it after kl was done telling me about their visit to london.

basically, he feels that i should stay here and get a job. theres a greatly higher chance of me qualifying here, in a much more shorter period, with better support and resources. my problems:
1. most deadlines have passed anyway
2. noone would hire me!!! my confidence is subzero when it comes to applications and interviews
3. applications will be time and energy consuming, taxing, and defo a huge source of risk to my MSc
4. i need to find a husband and get married by 2010! or twelve. so i need to start living in KL asap, and start browsing,, no? hihi.
obviously these problems only exist in the minds of those pessimists like me.

encik said, if it was him, he would set a clear goal and strive towards it, rather than settling with whatever that is convenient. if i want to get to the top he said, it definitely requires sacrifices and hard work. good things dont come easy. and i should stick to my goals and not be too fickle about it. hmmm.. takutt :(

so yea, that kinda boggled my mind the whole day coz now i need to start looking for companies(which i may not even have interest in working for) and start applying, and prepare, and practice, and might need to go back for summer later until i secure a place, for a shorter period, and worry about finding a place to stay while doing applications since my contract with unite ends this june 28th, and all the other stresses that will stroll along with these. urgghh. howwww. i thought i already got my plans settled by deciding to go back and start work this september. i even made commitments to friends' and relatives' weddings and parties for september onwards. how about my voluntary plans? adventurous trips to borneo? beach holidays with family and bgffs? theyre all so long overdue. but with all these, clearly these need to be put on hold further, for at least another three years. i couldnt help but to carry those (petty ke?)worries among others to my outing with adila at westfield and dinner with urta&meen at urt's later. must say they were indeed helpful. managed to take my mind off things for a bit. but still it could not solve anything.

okay, happy happy joy joy for a while la kay? westfield was funnnnnnn!! i havent seen adila in agessss, it was awesome catching up talking about so many thingss. did a little bit of (undeserving) shopping. excuse: stress la, apa lagi!hihi. how i just love being stressed sometimes. its easier to justify certain irrational things that i tend to do. hennywayys, yeap, we had this heavenly scrumptious dessert with hot chocolate, prepared by the most passionate hot chocolate maker(?!) we've ever seen. hihi. he seemed to be enjoying his work so much, and was so liked by his patrons. we could guess a few regulars from the way they conversed with each other. nice. i didnt buy one though, dils got a cup, and as we were waiting for it being prepared, he handed me over a free cup (alhamdulillah :) after handing dils' hers. how sweet kan?

after westfield, we parted and i headed to urt's. by the time i got there, dinner was ready. alhamdulillahhh hihihi cheating eh ems! the two boys prepared this really delicious ayam masak black pepper/kicap-ish. i was filled beyond my satisfaction. then it was baklava and shisha timeee!! with photo sessions in between. hihi.

when i thought my day was getting better, being the clumsy me, i just had to ruin everything and got my forehead a freakin hard knock on the bucu of the white shelf mounted on urt's white kitchen wall. it was so hard, it was so loud, it was so painful!!! sorry meen and urt, i just couldnt hold it back, TERteared a bit. yea, there was a small tiny cut, it bled, i tuam-ed, and alhamdulillah the swelling isn't so bad now. but the headache it caused, was overwhelming. i had headache from then on, and through sunday.. i think im much better now, though its still painful if i touch or frown my forehead.
i went crazy yesterday the moment i forgot my debit card number which ive been using and remembering for the past four years. it wasnt just remembering, its as though it was printed in my head that i never thought id forget. but i did, yesterday. obviously i freaked out, went crazy and started thinking about the worst thingss, the aftermath of the bucu-shelf bump! wouldnt you? thank you to those who were around, who stood by me. thank you. (indirectly explaining why sunday totally sucked my energy out of me) (and i just realised how dramatic and poyo i am! suka hati aku laa! hihi)

so yea, back to saturday, it was crazy cold when we left urts. it was so cold it made my head ached even more! hihi. clearly, the heavy snowing on sunday (and today!) explained it all. no wonder. ameen waited with me for about 30minutes kot until my bus came. and we got home safe, alhamdulillah :))

itu la cerita nya.. .